New Year, I’m working on me

Loads of people are saying “New year, New me”. All I hear is “I’ll start good, then I’ll stop because it’s too hard”.

I can’t stick to new year’s resolutions, so I just don’t make any. But if you’re not aiming for something, then what have you got to look forward to? I started this year with such a bad attitude. I was like “I’ll just plough through uni, get by with my anxiety and then go back home to live when I finish”. I’ve thought about it so much that I really wanted to change my attitude, hence creating this blog!

Taking back control.

The first to go was my contraceptive pill. I just wanted to rule out everything that could be making me feel down. So I went to the internet ( as per usual) and searched for articles about the combined pill. I found some articles which suggested that the pill was linked to developing anxiety and depression, so I decided to stop that.

The only thing with stopping my pill was that I’ve been on it for more than 4 years and I have no idea what to do anymore! Do I count the days from when I start to predict my next one? I can’t even remember how regular I was before I started the pill, so we’ll see how that goes..

The next thing to do was to see if I could get some help for my anxiety. I did think ‘oh I’m close to finishing uni now, only a few months left, might as well start when I get back home’, but I just can’t cope anymore. Life is feeling like a spectator sport. I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere, or doing anything. Walking alone is terrifying, so I take the bus everywhere. I can hardly sleep because I’m scared of the littlest of noises and I feel like something is going to grab my legs in the night, so I have a nightlight to help me feel safe.

So I decided enough was enough. Otherwise I’ll be too scared to do anything and it’ll affect my final grades, and my life forever. Anxiety has ruled my life for such a long time. I can’t remember being that carefree, happy little girl I see in old family photos. So I emailed the Student Services and I’ve got an assessment appointment booked.

This is the first step towards the “new year, new me” and I hope it’s a “new year, working on me”

Signing off,

The A A